Personal Thoughts about 2022.

As the holidays inch closer to us all, I tend to reflect on the year and everything that I has transpired and what I have accomplished. This post is a bit personal, but it's been on my mind and I felt the need to say what I need to say.

Some of you may or may not know, but last year (March 2021) I was in a very dark place in my life. I had a medical procedure that resulted in me being hospitalized for several days and in a coma. I wasn't in a coma for very long, but the impact was detrimental. Not only that, but everything that was going on in my personal life prior to the accident was horrific. Bad news kept on pouring in - from family members with their own medical problems, to friends passing away (yes, multiple friends), to even my dog leaving this life...I can go on but I'll stop. Needless to say, everyday I was in survival mode.

The medical story is it's own post in itself. I do plan on making a long post about it someday. The jist of it is that my body sucks. I'm literally allergic to most medicines. I have a genetic packet that is very detailed in what medicines my body can tolerate - or to put it into medical terms - that my enzymes can metabolize. There are a lot of doctors that think genetics are hocus-pocus, and that they 'know' better than I do for my body, ignoring what I tell them or when I show them my medical genetic packet. When I get these sort of doctors that don't listen, the result is life-threatening. And believe me, I've nearly died many times in my life because of my crappy genetics. This is essentially what happened to me, landing me in a coma.

For weeks after my coma, my brain was scrambled, though I acted perfectly normal. I thought in numbers, meaning, when I thought of a statement in my head like, 'Oh, I want to eat curry tonight,' my brain would think, '2495409392.' I'm not joking. But the numbers equaled words. Talk about fucked up. And then there was the constant need to rearrange my pantry every damn day. I think I rearranged those soup cans thousands of times. But really, what they say for those who woke up from a coma is that there is a lot of anger. And believe me, there was. I had a lot of anger to deal with - which lead me to my next chapter in my life.

Since I had been struggling with lots with my personal life, and needed to focus writing my third novel, I decided to take long breaks from social media this past year. I left Facebook (where I was the most active), though my account is still there for the time being. I also started pulling away from other online places, and decided to work on myself and picking up the pieces, so to speak. During this time, I opened a Patreon because I still wanted to create, but on a very private level. I still did my morning writing, but I also forced myself to sketch weekly, record videos, and do photoshoots. I did this to find myself again because honestly, I felt so lost. Also during this time, I set boundaries when I was online. In turn, I suddenly found a ton of time to focus on my hubby, kids, read, (even watch TV!) and do all the creative things I wanted to do.

October came, and that's where everything came together at once. I had been working on building a Red Sonja cosplay for Patreon. I traveled with a photographer to the Trona Pinnacles and did an epic shoot - two shoots in fact - once in the morning and once at night. It was the longest shoot I've done, but also the most rewarding. During that same week, I also went to a concert to see the Pet Shop Boys, New Order, and Paul Oakenfold. If any of you know me, Pet Shop Boys are literally one of my favorite bands of all-time. New Order is right up there with them, as well as Paul Oakenfold. It was the best concert I've ever been to in my life. Then, the icing on the cake was that an artist that I had commissioned painted a beautiful portrait of me - full of fiery passion. This painting reflected how I normally would feel, though my fire had died out during my hard times. At the end of this week, it was as if I had 'woken' up from a long slumber and found my confidence once more.

Here I am, now writing this post. Not sure what else to say but that I am grateful for my life, family, friends, and loved ones. I am thankful that I have people that support me in whatever I do - whether it be my books, art, cosplay, or anything really. I appreciate those who have journeyed with me in my darkest hour, and those who also have given me much encouragement while I've been in the light. Thank you.

Just a side note, the other day I did a little mini shoot because I was feeling inspired. I still am going to process a few more of these photos and add them to my site sometime this week. I am thinking about doing a fashion photo section, that way I can keep my cosplay photos separate. And one last thing. I drew some ink sketches based off my coma experience. I thought they were up on my website already, but it looks like I haven't posted them yet. I'll try and get them up this week.

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